Whatever courage or madness that is required to live apart from the world, I, Samuel Godfrey George have it.
Monday, 30 May 2011
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
The Beginning of Sam (The Prelude to "Samuel Godfrey George - Seven Years In The Making)
I was born to Balasundaram Ganesan, the third child of a Hindu and Hannah Evangeline Susheela Pandian, the third child of a Christian. My father Ganesan converted to Christianity and accepted the name, "George Godfrey." But after his marriage to Susheela, he continued to worship his Hindu god and retained his Hindu name. Susheela, my mother, also retained her maiden name, and was only unofficially Susheela George. My father was in his early forties and my mother in her late thirties when I was born. I, Samuel Surender, was born in the year 1972 in India, seven months after the death of my Uncle Edwin Pandian, who perished tragically in a road accident. My grandfather, J.P. Pandian, named me Samuel, as I was the son of his daughter Hannah. I was raised in a small house by my parents.
My first hair was dedicated to a Hindu god by my father. As a child, I do not remember being taken to a Hindu temple by my father, who allowed me to be raised as a Christian. However I grew up among Hindus and was familiar with their gods. I was particularly fascinated by the lord Ganesha. I used to keep his idol in my home during his festival called "Vinayaka Chathurthi". I would sit before the decorated Ganesha and admire him just as a Hindu would. I also witnessed a few Hindu pujas performed by the families of my friends. I have accompanied them to their temples, and though I do not recollect clearly, I may have bowed down to their gods and accepted the temple "prasadam", which is the temple food offered to the gods, and may have even worn the "vibudhi" or the sacred powder that the Hindus apply on their forehead. As a child and as a young man, I loved to eat the "Tirupathi laddu", which is made in a famous Hindu temple, and is therefore sacred to the Hindus.
As a boy, I went to church with my mother Susheela and my aunt Mary Helen Indra Pandian. My father occasionally accompanied us. I did not particularly like the church or the Sunday School. I liked to be with my mother and my aunt, who remain with me even now. They taught me Christian songs and prayers. My mother used to be play an active role in a Christian fellowship at her office. I used to accompany her sometimes to these Christian meetings. But I was not interested in Jesus Christ. I did not find Christ in these meetings or at my mother's church. I also did not see any evidence of Christ in the way we lived our lives.
As a child I had a dream. In this dream I was floating in the sky. And I saw a huge train of fire rage across the sky. It was an awesome sight, and I cried out to the fire in English, a language that I then did not know well. "I WILL SERVE YOU!", I shrieked to my Lord God Jehovah Jesus Holy Spirit, as He raced past me. Soon after the dream, I sat at the entrance of my house, looking up at the sky. "I want to see Jesus. I want to see Him now!", I said repeatedly to my father. He comforted me with a promise. "You will see Him someday", he said. And the mad desire to see Jesus soon left me.
As a young boy I grew sick. I had a mysterious illness. An old woman who lived nearby passed away at that time. As I lay sick, my parents heard me say that I saw the dead woman. My eyes were red and my body was weak. I did not allow my mother and my aunt to see me. I only allowed my father to be with me. I hated the sight of light, and lay in darkness. I refused to eat, and then one of my mother's friends offered me a soft drink, and I accepted it. They took me to a doctor, and he gave me medicine. I was soon "all right".
My grandfather, J.P. Pandian, who was my mother's father came to live with us. He was an extraordinary man who achieved much. He was a great storyteller and a lover of Christ. He told many stories and sang many songs. He had plenty of listeners, as all were drawn to him. My grandfather called me "Sam Swami", which meant "Sam the holy man". I loved him and admired him. When he passed away, I leaned against my father, and cried.
During the time my grandfather was with us, I had an accident. A boy I was playing with struck me in the eye with a sharp object. The white of my eye suffered damage, and I lost vision in one of my eyes. My parents and my aunt took me to a hospital, where a doctor told my father that I was destined to see the world with only one of my eyes. My father broke down. That was the first time I saw him cry. And he was crying for me. The Lord did not abandon me. They took me to another doctor, an expert, who was a Christian. He examined me and found that my injury was operable. He had me admitted to an eye hospital. He performed a major eye surgery on me, at the stroke of noon, when a church nearby chimed its bell. My mother and my aunt knelt in prayer outside the operation theater. A few hours later I was back, and the operation was successful. I remember the moment, when I lifted my bandage slightly, against the instruction of the doctor, and saw through my operated eye, and discovered that my vision was back.
I regained my vision but I went blind in another way. I began to be sexually conscious. I started to awaken sexually. I became obsessed with the human body, a tendency that has continued and intensified over the years to the point of becoming the primary interest in my life.
I also developed a love for the English language. I desired to speak it not like an Indian, but like an Englishman. I was drawn to the British and desired to live in England. My mother directed me to a pronoucing dictionary, and my aunt bought me my first pronouncing dictionary. I learned the phonetic notation, and guessed the pronunciation of English words from their transcriptions. I did not always learn correctly. But I learned avidly and determinedly.
My father took me out of my non-Christian school, and placed me in a Christian school. It was a school run by nuns, and it exposed me more to Christianity. Before I took my tenth standard examination, which is the school leaving certificate in India, I changed my name from Samuel Surender to Samuel George, to eliminate the Indianness from my name, so that it will sound more like the British whom I loved.
My father placed me in a Christian higher secondary school after I successfully obtained my school leaving certificate. It is in this school that I did something unusual. I observed that individual students were allowed to present a bible reading and a prayer at the morning assembly of students and teachers. I desired to present a little more than a bible reading and a prayer, mainly because I wanted to flaunt my British accent of English. I not only read the Bible, but I also added my commentary to it. I began to preach. My presentations were most unusual, and every eye was on me. My headmaster was stunned, and told my parents that I was destined to be a VVIP , a very very important person. I continued to make my presentations throughout that year. It was incredible how the Lord and His Word became a major part of my life, though I did not particularly love God or understand His Word. One of my school mates, who considered himself to be an atheist, attacked me constantly, and questioned my faith. I had absolutely no defence to offer, as I myself did not understand God and did not have any significant knowledge of Him. Our interactions led me to examine my faith or the absence of it seriously. And I made a decision to stop my morning presentations at school abruptly.
After I left school and joined college, I steadily moved away from faith. The atheist classmate continued his association with me, and we soon became friends. We went to the same college, and shared similar ideas regarding God and Christianity. We made fun of all Christians, and considered them to be fools. We ridiculed the Jesuits who ran the college, and privately troubled some of them with questions that they could not satisfactorily answer. I labelled myself an atheist, but I attacked God as though I believed in Him. I called him names, and spared no expletive in describing Him.
My life at home steadily decreased in quality. I began to despise my father. I found him to be an ignorant man and was ashamed to be associated with him. To a certain degree, I was even ashamed of my mother and my aunt, as they too seemed well below my level of knowledge. My father and I rarely communicated. I hated him as he had insulted me on many occasions. When I chose to study English, he opposed me severely and cursed me that I will not amount to anything in life. "Mark my words. You will be a good-for-nothing!" he said. I withdrew from him gradually, and never bothered to introduce him to anyone. I began to look at another man as my father. He was a friend from my church. He spoke to me kindly, and was delighted with my ability to speak and write English. He encouraged me and directed me to greater understanding. He also spent time with me, and showed me that he cared for me. There was also another man at my church, who helped me discover my identity. He helped uncover many mistakes, both spiritual and linguistic. I slowly began to correct myself.
After I completed my studies, I started to work as a teacher of English in a school. I became an instant success, largely because of my Britishness and my friendly personality. My students adored me and I adored them and we became close. Later I taught at a college, and the intensity of my association with students continued. As a teacher, I projected myself as an atheist, or at least a mocker of God. I rarely discussed morality with my students, and distinguished myself as particularly "amoral", as I had little regard for conventions and traditions, and even frequently spoke the unspeakable in class. Because I loved my students in an intense manner, I clashed with the authorities that ran the college. I left my job, and decided not to teach at least for a while.
I decided to enrol on a doctoral programme in linguistics. I left my parents and came to another city to conduct my doctoral research. My aunt, Mary Helen Indra, accompanied me. It is here in this city, right in the middle of my PhD research, I discovered God. My interest in God was stimulated by Christian television, which I began to watch at this time. Initially I was amused by these programs that featured healing services, which I believed to be staged. Soon I noticed the reaction on people's faces and began to ask myself this question: "What if this Jesus is real?" Discarding my atheistic disdain, I started to pray casual prayers to God. And my prayers were answered. Excited by my discovery of God I walked into a Christian exhibition. There I saw a Bible that I knew I had to buy.
I always thought the Bible was a most uninteresting book, not fit for reading. But after I bought my new Bible at the exhibition, my attitude changed, and it changed dramatically. The Bible that I read was in modern English, and was presented in a way that would attract the young believer. I started to read it, as I would read a novel. I abandoned everything. I even abandoned my doctoral research to read my Bible.
God began to speak to me. He appeared to me in dreams. He once appeared as a big bird and alighted on me. Then He appeared to me as a gigantic bearded man and laid His hand on my forehead. As I read His word, I received my instruction. He told me clearly to abandon my sexual desires that were leading me astray. He demanded that I destroy all the pictures that I had collected to fuel my sexual instinct. I resisted Him and pleaded with Him. But because I loved Him, I destroyed most of my collection. But some remained to lure me again. For years I moved forward and backward. I pursued the way of sin, and abandoned it temporarily for the way of God. I went back to sin, then came back to God. This went on as long as I read the Bible from cover to cover, and continued even beyond it. Matters eventually came to a head, and God gradually led me to that moment when I died and was born again.
- Samuel Godfrey George
My first hair was dedicated to a Hindu god by my father. As a child, I do not remember being taken to a Hindu temple by my father, who allowed me to be raised as a Christian. However I grew up among Hindus and was familiar with their gods. I was particularly fascinated by the lord Ganesha. I used to keep his idol in my home during his festival called "Vinayaka Chathurthi". I would sit before the decorated Ganesha and admire him just as a Hindu would. I also witnessed a few Hindu pujas performed by the families of my friends. I have accompanied them to their temples, and though I do not recollect clearly, I may have bowed down to their gods and accepted the temple "prasadam", which is the temple food offered to the gods, and may have even worn the "vibudhi" or the sacred powder that the Hindus apply on their forehead. As a child and as a young man, I loved to eat the "Tirupathi laddu", which is made in a famous Hindu temple, and is therefore sacred to the Hindus.
As a boy, I went to church with my mother Susheela and my aunt Mary Helen Indra Pandian. My father occasionally accompanied us. I did not particularly like the church or the Sunday School. I liked to be with my mother and my aunt, who remain with me even now. They taught me Christian songs and prayers. My mother used to be play an active role in a Christian fellowship at her office. I used to accompany her sometimes to these Christian meetings. But I was not interested in Jesus Christ. I did not find Christ in these meetings or at my mother's church. I also did not see any evidence of Christ in the way we lived our lives.
As a child I had a dream. In this dream I was floating in the sky. And I saw a huge train of fire rage across the sky. It was an awesome sight, and I cried out to the fire in English, a language that I then did not know well. "I WILL SERVE YOU!", I shrieked to my Lord God Jehovah Jesus Holy Spirit, as He raced past me. Soon after the dream, I sat at the entrance of my house, looking up at the sky. "I want to see Jesus. I want to see Him now!", I said repeatedly to my father. He comforted me with a promise. "You will see Him someday", he said. And the mad desire to see Jesus soon left me.
As a young boy I grew sick. I had a mysterious illness. An old woman who lived nearby passed away at that time. As I lay sick, my parents heard me say that I saw the dead woman. My eyes were red and my body was weak. I did not allow my mother and my aunt to see me. I only allowed my father to be with me. I hated the sight of light, and lay in darkness. I refused to eat, and then one of my mother's friends offered me a soft drink, and I accepted it. They took me to a doctor, and he gave me medicine. I was soon "all right".
My grandfather, J.P. Pandian, who was my mother's father came to live with us. He was an extraordinary man who achieved much. He was a great storyteller and a lover of Christ. He told many stories and sang many songs. He had plenty of listeners, as all were drawn to him. My grandfather called me "Sam Swami", which meant "Sam the holy man". I loved him and admired him. When he passed away, I leaned against my father, and cried.
During the time my grandfather was with us, I had an accident. A boy I was playing with struck me in the eye with a sharp object. The white of my eye suffered damage, and I lost vision in one of my eyes. My parents and my aunt took me to a hospital, where a doctor told my father that I was destined to see the world with only one of my eyes. My father broke down. That was the first time I saw him cry. And he was crying for me. The Lord did not abandon me. They took me to another doctor, an expert, who was a Christian. He examined me and found that my injury was operable. He had me admitted to an eye hospital. He performed a major eye surgery on me, at the stroke of noon, when a church nearby chimed its bell. My mother and my aunt knelt in prayer outside the operation theater. A few hours later I was back, and the operation was successful. I remember the moment, when I lifted my bandage slightly, against the instruction of the doctor, and saw through my operated eye, and discovered that my vision was back.
I regained my vision but I went blind in another way. I began to be sexually conscious. I started to awaken sexually. I became obsessed with the human body, a tendency that has continued and intensified over the years to the point of becoming the primary interest in my life.
I also developed a love for the English language. I desired to speak it not like an Indian, but like an Englishman. I was drawn to the British and desired to live in England. My mother directed me to a pronoucing dictionary, and my aunt bought me my first pronouncing dictionary. I learned the phonetic notation, and guessed the pronunciation of English words from their transcriptions. I did not always learn correctly. But I learned avidly and determinedly.
My father took me out of my non-Christian school, and placed me in a Christian school. It was a school run by nuns, and it exposed me more to Christianity. Before I took my tenth standard examination, which is the school leaving certificate in India, I changed my name from Samuel Surender to Samuel George, to eliminate the Indianness from my name, so that it will sound more like the British whom I loved.
My father placed me in a Christian higher secondary school after I successfully obtained my school leaving certificate. It is in this school that I did something unusual. I observed that individual students were allowed to present a bible reading and a prayer at the morning assembly of students and teachers. I desired to present a little more than a bible reading and a prayer, mainly because I wanted to flaunt my British accent of English. I not only read the Bible, but I also added my commentary to it. I began to preach. My presentations were most unusual, and every eye was on me. My headmaster was stunned, and told my parents that I was destined to be a VVIP , a very very important person. I continued to make my presentations throughout that year. It was incredible how the Lord and His Word became a major part of my life, though I did not particularly love God or understand His Word. One of my school mates, who considered himself to be an atheist, attacked me constantly, and questioned my faith. I had absolutely no defence to offer, as I myself did not understand God and did not have any significant knowledge of Him. Our interactions led me to examine my faith or the absence of it seriously. And I made a decision to stop my morning presentations at school abruptly.
After I left school and joined college, I steadily moved away from faith. The atheist classmate continued his association with me, and we soon became friends. We went to the same college, and shared similar ideas regarding God and Christianity. We made fun of all Christians, and considered them to be fools. We ridiculed the Jesuits who ran the college, and privately troubled some of them with questions that they could not satisfactorily answer. I labelled myself an atheist, but I attacked God as though I believed in Him. I called him names, and spared no expletive in describing Him.
My life at home steadily decreased in quality. I began to despise my father. I found him to be an ignorant man and was ashamed to be associated with him. To a certain degree, I was even ashamed of my mother and my aunt, as they too seemed well below my level of knowledge. My father and I rarely communicated. I hated him as he had insulted me on many occasions. When I chose to study English, he opposed me severely and cursed me that I will not amount to anything in life. "Mark my words. You will be a good-for-nothing!" he said. I withdrew from him gradually, and never bothered to introduce him to anyone. I began to look at another man as my father. He was a friend from my church. He spoke to me kindly, and was delighted with my ability to speak and write English. He encouraged me and directed me to greater understanding. He also spent time with me, and showed me that he cared for me. There was also another man at my church, who helped me discover my identity. He helped uncover many mistakes, both spiritual and linguistic. I slowly began to correct myself.
After I completed my studies, I started to work as a teacher of English in a school. I became an instant success, largely because of my Britishness and my friendly personality. My students adored me and I adored them and we became close. Later I taught at a college, and the intensity of my association with students continued. As a teacher, I projected myself as an atheist, or at least a mocker of God. I rarely discussed morality with my students, and distinguished myself as particularly "amoral", as I had little regard for conventions and traditions, and even frequently spoke the unspeakable in class. Because I loved my students in an intense manner, I clashed with the authorities that ran the college. I left my job, and decided not to teach at least for a while.
I decided to enrol on a doctoral programme in linguistics. I left my parents and came to another city to conduct my doctoral research. My aunt, Mary Helen Indra, accompanied me. It is here in this city, right in the middle of my PhD research, I discovered God. My interest in God was stimulated by Christian television, which I began to watch at this time. Initially I was amused by these programs that featured healing services, which I believed to be staged. Soon I noticed the reaction on people's faces and began to ask myself this question: "What if this Jesus is real?" Discarding my atheistic disdain, I started to pray casual prayers to God. And my prayers were answered. Excited by my discovery of God I walked into a Christian exhibition. There I saw a Bible that I knew I had to buy.
I always thought the Bible was a most uninteresting book, not fit for reading. But after I bought my new Bible at the exhibition, my attitude changed, and it changed dramatically. The Bible that I read was in modern English, and was presented in a way that would attract the young believer. I started to read it, as I would read a novel. I abandoned everything. I even abandoned my doctoral research to read my Bible.
God began to speak to me. He appeared to me in dreams. He once appeared as a big bird and alighted on me. Then He appeared to me as a gigantic bearded man and laid His hand on my forehead. As I read His word, I received my instruction. He told me clearly to abandon my sexual desires that were leading me astray. He demanded that I destroy all the pictures that I had collected to fuel my sexual instinct. I resisted Him and pleaded with Him. But because I loved Him, I destroyed most of my collection. But some remained to lure me again. For years I moved forward and backward. I pursued the way of sin, and abandoned it temporarily for the way of God. I went back to sin, then came back to God. This went on as long as I read the Bible from cover to cover, and continued even beyond it. Matters eventually came to a head, and God gradually led me to that moment when I died and was born again.
- Samuel Godfrey George
The Desirable Union
When flesh meets flesh casually and illicitly, it is union, and desirable it is to some, and so it was to me once, but not anymore. The act of flesh deriving satisfaction from flesh is a joy temporary and flimsy and ultimately disappointing, if it occurs out of marriage, out of love and out of God's sanction.
In the grip of unholy love, in the stench of its juices I have passed many a pointless hour, many a day, and many a year. Much of my holy strength I have squandered on unholy lust that retards and regresses the work of God that I am. I have drunk deep from a fleshly cup until its contents revolt me and destroy the very desire to drink.
I have discovered that lust will not plunder the angel face of its riches. The lecher cannot strip away the everlasting joy of beauty. Nothing pure or lasting can be salvaged in an unblessed union that masquerades foolishly as love.
All misspent energy is misbegotten. The instinct to love comes from God. As He is holy, His instinct is also holy. Every act of love is an exercise of holiness. And this I will bear in mind as I give to and receive from others. My energy will be begotten of God. My desire will emerge from His heart. My embrace will be holy and my kiss will be chaste. My desire will be legal, and my love will give without the intent to receive.
- Samuel Godfrey George
In the grip of unholy love, in the stench of its juices I have passed many a pointless hour, many a day, and many a year. Much of my holy strength I have squandered on unholy lust that retards and regresses the work of God that I am. I have drunk deep from a fleshly cup until its contents revolt me and destroy the very desire to drink.
I have discovered that lust will not plunder the angel face of its riches. The lecher cannot strip away the everlasting joy of beauty. Nothing pure or lasting can be salvaged in an unblessed union that masquerades foolishly as love.
All misspent energy is misbegotten. The instinct to love comes from God. As He is holy, His instinct is also holy. Every act of love is an exercise of holiness. And this I will bear in mind as I give to and receive from others. My energy will be begotten of God. My desire will emerge from His heart. My embrace will be holy and my kiss will be chaste. My desire will be legal, and my love will give without the intent to receive.
- Samuel Godfrey George
Saturday, 26 March 2011
Seven Years In The Making
Seven years ago, on 26 March 2004, I made a decision to embrace the way of Christ. Overwhelmed with love and repentance, I showed my gratitude to Christ by honouring the people He had given me. I prostrated myself at the feet of my Aunt Mary Helen Indra and kissed her toes to convey my respect for her and to also ask her to pardon me for the many years I disrespected and mistreated her. Though completely taken aback by the extraordinary event, my aunt totally accepted me in love and forgiveness. A few months later in July, I met my father, B Ganesan, also known as George Godfrey, and without premeditation, I fell at his feet and requested him to forgive me for the many years of disrespect. It was a moment of overwhelming significance, as I did not realise then that he will pass away in a few days. My father was utterly at a loss for words, but he ultimately blessed me. I also sought the forgiveness and the blessing of my mother, Hannah Evangeline Susheela.
I was indeed born again in the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ in the year 2004. My spiritual life was healthy. I read the Bible avidly, almost desperately, abandoning my doctoral research in linguistics. Professionally I thrived. As a teacher of English, I had never taught as powerfully as I did in this period. After the death of my father in August 2004, I continued to read the Bible, though I was shocked by God's response to my prayer for my father's life. I was armed with Job's ultimate statement of faith: "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him." And thus the first few years of my spiritual life passed.
In 2005 I sold my home, and thus came into money. Once money came into my life, I drifted away from God. I bought a computer, a laptop, and abused it thoroughly. I pursued the pleasures of the flesh, which have been at the centre of my attention all my conscious life. The Internet provided me countless and varied opportunities to slake my thirst for sexual gratification. Not only did I take these opportunities, but I also explored them to the point of obsession. In the hours of pointless sanity between the moments of insane gratification, I wondered why I had drifted away from reading the Bible.
I might have abandoned the Lord. But the Lord did not abandon me. In the year 2007, after much resistance to any public display of my faith or my ability to speak and write, I chose to get public on YouTube. Thus started the channel "The Voice" and my new name, Samuel Godfrey George. My old name lacked the middle "Godfrey", which was borrowed from my father's Christian name, which he rejected after being publicly converted to Christianity. Though I lived in the flesh, I spoke and wrote in the Spirit, and thus "The Voice" continued to grow and gain strength. My laptop, which was mainly used for my sexual gratification, was now being used to do the work of God. However the dichotomous life I lived meant that I read the Bible with my voice but continued to stray away from its teaching in my flesh. As I fancifully described it, Jesus was my husband, and I continued to cuckold Him in the arms of Satan.
The demonic dichotomy seemed destined to go on forever. In the rare moments of sanity I sent out a desperate and ill-formed prayer to God to save me. I did not particularly believe that God will or could save me from my duality. I thought the hold of the devil in my life was far too strong even for God. However God is God and did the Godly thing in my life. In the year 2010 he assailed me with several trials beginning with my mother. Horrible and inexplicable boils appeared on my mother's legs and she was later hospitalised in a terrible condition. She had many complications and I feared that the inevitable was at hand. I surmised that God was punishing me for my sinful ways. I prayed desperately to God and wrestled with Him for her recovery. I remembered Jacob and how he determined to receive his blessing while wrestling with the angel of God. The Lord answered my persistent prayer compassionately and gradually my mother recovered.
At the time of my mother's sickness, I had an encounter with a man of God, which had a devastating impact on my conflict-ridden nature. Flippantly I had mentioned to him that I served God, but still loved the world. He proceeded to educate me on my error much to my indignation. He told me that the conflict that I considered impossible to resolve can be resolved in Christ. The mention of the phrase "in Christ" triggered a violent reaction from me, and I fumed against this pastor who dared to lecture me. While I insulted him, I was shocked by my uncharacteristic reaction and unprecedented fury, which indicated to me that there was someone else in me, who was apparently vexed by what this man said. The phrase"in Christ" stayed with me. I felt immediately sorry for the man I insulted, as I knew in the spirit that he had indeed spoken the truth. Months later I apologised to him and thanked him for the insight he had given me.
My mother's recovery was soon followed by my own mysterious illness. What began as a high level of sugar in my blood, as a result of years of addiction to soft aerated drinks, soon became a maddening and stressful condition that defied description. When I abruptly gave up my soft drinks and the caffeine that my brain was addicted to, I began to experience feelings of an extremely disorienting kind. Was I dying? Was something terrible about to happen? I was not sure. Friends in Christ helped me to find my way back. Without any significant medical treatment I made recovery. During this period something wonderful happened. I returned to God with tremendous zeal. I bought a new Bible and started to read it again. And this time it made more sense. I bought several Christian books and started to read them. A new madness and a desperate thirst took over me, as I stacked my home with more books and bibles. I posted a slew of videos on YouTube. I started to sing Christian songs and speak extemporaneously about my faith in Christ. Thus Christ grew in me.
My path back to Christ was not without backsliding. Every now and then the demonic returned, and I gave in with and without resistance. This maddening back and forth activity lasted until my Aunt Mary Helen Indra had a fall in January this year and fractured her hip bone. This became my latest trial. My aunt was hospitalised and she underwent surgery. Considering her age and her other complications, the operation carried a certain risk. The pain of this experience offered me another opportunity to renounce my sins and my attachment to them. Yet again God heard my prayers and granted my requests. My aunt returned home where she continues to make recovery.
My seemingly endless cycle of forging ahead in Christ and backsliding to sinful ways continued even beyond my aunt's return from the hospital. However strangely at this moment the cycle seems to have come to a conclusion. My energy and appetite for evil seem spent, and I pray will soon be utterly spent. I am too tired to sin in that manner again. I know that I will sin as long as I live, but I will not sin like that anymore. It is in this context my Aunt Mary Helen Indra reminded me of that day seven years ago when I declared myself to be born again. Initially I did not see the significance of the day, but now I realise that my salvation has been seven years in the making. Now after seven years that are seven days in the eyes of God I truly feel saved. Therefore I take the opportunity on this day, the 26th of March in the year 2011, to make public the work of God in my life. This is not an entire testimony. However it is the testimony of the man with the voice made by God for God.
- Samuel Godfrey George
I was indeed born again in the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ in the year 2004. My spiritual life was healthy. I read the Bible avidly, almost desperately, abandoning my doctoral research in linguistics. Professionally I thrived. As a teacher of English, I had never taught as powerfully as I did in this period. After the death of my father in August 2004, I continued to read the Bible, though I was shocked by God's response to my prayer for my father's life. I was armed with Job's ultimate statement of faith: "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him." And thus the first few years of my spiritual life passed.
In 2005 I sold my home, and thus came into money. Once money came into my life, I drifted away from God. I bought a computer, a laptop, and abused it thoroughly. I pursued the pleasures of the flesh, which have been at the centre of my attention all my conscious life. The Internet provided me countless and varied opportunities to slake my thirst for sexual gratification. Not only did I take these opportunities, but I also explored them to the point of obsession. In the hours of pointless sanity between the moments of insane gratification, I wondered why I had drifted away from reading the Bible.
I might have abandoned the Lord. But the Lord did not abandon me. In the year 2007, after much resistance to any public display of my faith or my ability to speak and write, I chose to get public on YouTube. Thus started the channel "The Voice" and my new name, Samuel Godfrey George. My old name lacked the middle "Godfrey", which was borrowed from my father's Christian name, which he rejected after being publicly converted to Christianity. Though I lived in the flesh, I spoke and wrote in the Spirit, and thus "The Voice" continued to grow and gain strength. My laptop, which was mainly used for my sexual gratification, was now being used to do the work of God. However the dichotomous life I lived meant that I read the Bible with my voice but continued to stray away from its teaching in my flesh. As I fancifully described it, Jesus was my husband, and I continued to cuckold Him in the arms of Satan.
The demonic dichotomy seemed destined to go on forever. In the rare moments of sanity I sent out a desperate and ill-formed prayer to God to save me. I did not particularly believe that God will or could save me from my duality. I thought the hold of the devil in my life was far too strong even for God. However God is God and did the Godly thing in my life. In the year 2010 he assailed me with several trials beginning with my mother. Horrible and inexplicable boils appeared on my mother's legs and she was later hospitalised in a terrible condition. She had many complications and I feared that the inevitable was at hand. I surmised that God was punishing me for my sinful ways. I prayed desperately to God and wrestled with Him for her recovery. I remembered Jacob and how he determined to receive his blessing while wrestling with the angel of God. The Lord answered my persistent prayer compassionately and gradually my mother recovered.
At the time of my mother's sickness, I had an encounter with a man of God, which had a devastating impact on my conflict-ridden nature. Flippantly I had mentioned to him that I served God, but still loved the world. He proceeded to educate me on my error much to my indignation. He told me that the conflict that I considered impossible to resolve can be resolved in Christ. The mention of the phrase "in Christ" triggered a violent reaction from me, and I fumed against this pastor who dared to lecture me. While I insulted him, I was shocked by my uncharacteristic reaction and unprecedented fury, which indicated to me that there was someone else in me, who was apparently vexed by what this man said. The phrase"in Christ" stayed with me. I felt immediately sorry for the man I insulted, as I knew in the spirit that he had indeed spoken the truth. Months later I apologised to him and thanked him for the insight he had given me.
My mother's recovery was soon followed by my own mysterious illness. What began as a high level of sugar in my blood, as a result of years of addiction to soft aerated drinks, soon became a maddening and stressful condition that defied description. When I abruptly gave up my soft drinks and the caffeine that my brain was addicted to, I began to experience feelings of an extremely disorienting kind. Was I dying? Was something terrible about to happen? I was not sure. Friends in Christ helped me to find my way back. Without any significant medical treatment I made recovery. During this period something wonderful happened. I returned to God with tremendous zeal. I bought a new Bible and started to read it again. And this time it made more sense. I bought several Christian books and started to read them. A new madness and a desperate thirst took over me, as I stacked my home with more books and bibles. I posted a slew of videos on YouTube. I started to sing Christian songs and speak extemporaneously about my faith in Christ. Thus Christ grew in me.
My path back to Christ was not without backsliding. Every now and then the demonic returned, and I gave in with and without resistance. This maddening back and forth activity lasted until my Aunt Mary Helen Indra had a fall in January this year and fractured her hip bone. This became my latest trial. My aunt was hospitalised and she underwent surgery. Considering her age and her other complications, the operation carried a certain risk. The pain of this experience offered me another opportunity to renounce my sins and my attachment to them. Yet again God heard my prayers and granted my requests. My aunt returned home where she continues to make recovery.
My seemingly endless cycle of forging ahead in Christ and backsliding to sinful ways continued even beyond my aunt's return from the hospital. However strangely at this moment the cycle seems to have come to a conclusion. My energy and appetite for evil seem spent, and I pray will soon be utterly spent. I am too tired to sin in that manner again. I know that I will sin as long as I live, but I will not sin like that anymore. It is in this context my Aunt Mary Helen Indra reminded me of that day seven years ago when I declared myself to be born again. Initially I did not see the significance of the day, but now I realise that my salvation has been seven years in the making. Now after seven years that are seven days in the eyes of God I truly feel saved. Therefore I take the opportunity on this day, the 26th of March in the year 2011, to make public the work of God in my life. This is not an entire testimony. However it is the testimony of the man with the voice made by God for God.
- Samuel Godfrey George
Friday, 18 March 2011
Fear Not, You Trembler
Fear not you trembler! Your Lord goes before you.
You have put on the garb of faith.
You have chosen to fight the good fight.
Run you race now and run to win.
Your Lord will be with you wherever you go.
A man’s family is his own enemy.
The prophet is never respected at home.
Go your way trusting in your Lord.
Stay true to His word and love without fear.
Take nothing that does not belong to you.
Then you will receive everything that belongs to you.
- Samuel Godfrey George
You have put on the garb of faith.
You have chosen to fight the good fight.
Run you race now and run to win.
Your Lord will be with you wherever you go.
A man’s family is his own enemy.
The prophet is never respected at home.
Go your way trusting in your Lord.
Stay true to His word and love without fear.
Take nothing that does not belong to you.
Then you will receive everything that belongs to you.
- Samuel Godfrey George
Saturday, 12 March 2011
Never Never Never!
As long as I drink from the poisoned cup
And savour the unchaste embrace,
As long as the strong in me will say that he is weak,
As long as I chew on the pieces of death
And shun the life before me,
I shall continue to taste the curse.
Yet will my spirit die?
Will my flame be quenched?
Will His work remain unfinished in me?
“Never!” bellows my faith.
“Never will the righteousness of God be overcome
By the darkness of the devil.
Never will the holy dove be drained of life
By the venom of the serpent.
“Never, never, never!”
The Lord shall arise in me.
The flesh will be nailed to the cross.
The corruptible will be discarded
And the incorruptible will be put on.
Death will come. Yet my spirit shall live.
- Samuel Godfrey George
And savour the unchaste embrace,
As long as the strong in me will say that he is weak,
As long as I chew on the pieces of death
And shun the life before me,
I shall continue to taste the curse.
Yet will my spirit die?
Will my flame be quenched?
Will His work remain unfinished in me?
“Never!” bellows my faith.
“Never will the righteousness of God be overcome
By the darkness of the devil.
Never will the holy dove be drained of life
By the venom of the serpent.
“Never, never, never!”
The Lord shall arise in me.
The flesh will be nailed to the cross.
The corruptible will be discarded
And the incorruptible will be put on.
Death will come. Yet my spirit shall live.
- Samuel Godfrey George
Saturday, 1 January 2011
"This Is The Return" - The New Year Message of Samuel Godfrey George, 2011
Now is the time to return to my Lord. I have been away for a long time. Now I will return to the child that I once was and to the dream that I once had and to the longing that came from the dream. Again I shall long to see the face of my God, and this time I shall not relent. Not only will I see His face, I will also dwell in His house forever secure in His arms.
Flesh loosens its hold. Earthly pleasures betray emptiness. The wandering begins to cease. The Spirit asserts authority. Finally I turn toward my goal. I walk into arms that are extended forever. In that embrace dwells a love that will never end. The time of the devil is over. Now God reigns in my life.
This is the return.
Return the rage, return the fire,
Return the madness of the child.
Come back my dream, come back my King,
The early promise come alive.
Speak out my tongue, lash out the Truth,
Nail the the chosen one to the cross.
Blot out the world, dim out its cry,
Draw me deep into your fire.
Come back my Lord, come back my God,
Come back my sweet Jesus Christ.
- Samuel Godfrey George
Flesh loosens its hold. Earthly pleasures betray emptiness. The wandering begins to cease. The Spirit asserts authority. Finally I turn toward my goal. I walk into arms that are extended forever. In that embrace dwells a love that will never end. The time of the devil is over. Now God reigns in my life.
This is the return.
Return the rage, return the fire,
Return the madness of the child.
Come back my dream, come back my King,
The early promise come alive.
Speak out my tongue, lash out the Truth,
Nail the the chosen one to the cross.
Blot out the world, dim out its cry,
Draw me deep into your fire.
Come back my Lord, come back my God,
Come back my sweet Jesus Christ.
- Samuel Godfrey George
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