Seven Years In The Making

Seven years ago, on 26 March 2004, I made a decision to embrace the way of Christ. Overwhelmed with love and repentance, I showed my gratitude to Christ by honouring the people He had given me. I prostrated myself at the feet of my Aunt Mary Helen Indra and kissed her toes to convey my respect for her and to also ask her to pardon me for the many years I disrespected and mistreated her. Though completely taken aback by the extraordinary event, my aunt totally accepted me in love and forgiveness. A few months later in July, I met my father, B Ganesan, also known as George Godfrey, and without premeditation, I fell at his feet and requested him to forgive me for the many years of disrespect. It was a moment of overwhelming significance, as I did not realise then that he will pass away in a few days. My father was utterly at a loss for words, but he ultimately blessed me. I also sought the forgiveness and the blessing of my mother, Hannah Evangeline Susheela.

I was indeed born again in the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ in the year 2004. My spiritual life was healthy. I read the Bible avidly, almost desperately, abandoning my doctoral research in linguistics. Professionally I thrived. As a teacher of English, I had never taught as powerfully as I did in this period. After the death of my father in August 2004, I continued to read the Bible, though I was shocked by God's response to my prayer for my father's life. I was armed with Job's ultimate statement of faith: "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him." And thus the first few years of my spiritual life passed.

In 2005 I sold my home, and thus came into money. Once money came into my life, I drifted away from God. I bought a computer, a laptop, and abused it thoroughly. I pursued the pleasures of the flesh, which have been at the centre of my attention all my conscious life. The Internet provided me countless and varied opportunities to slake my thirst for sexual gratification. Not only did I take these opportunities, but I also explored them to the point of obsession. In the hours of pointless sanity between the moments of insane gratification, I wondered why I had drifted away from reading the Bible.

I might have abandoned the Lord. But the Lord did not abandon me. In the year 2007, after much resistance to any public display of my faith or my ability to speak and write, I chose to get public on YouTube. Thus started the channel "The Voice" and my new name, Samuel Godfrey George. My old name lacked the middle "Godfrey", which was borrowed from my father's Christian name, which he rejected after being publicly converted to Christianity. Though I lived in the flesh, I spoke and wrote in the Spirit, and thus "The Voice" continued to grow and gain strength. My laptop, which was mainly used for my sexual gratification, was now being used to do the work of God. However the dichotomous life I lived meant that I read the Bible with my voice but continued to stray away from its teaching in my flesh. As I fancifully described it, Jesus was my husband, and I continued to cuckold Him in the arms of Satan.

The demonic dichotomy seemed destined to go on forever. In the rare moments of sanity I sent out a desperate and ill-formed prayer to God to save me. I did not particularly believe that God will or could save me from my duality. I thought the hold of the devil in my life was far too strong even for God. However God is God and did the Godly thing in my life. In the year 2010 he assailed me with several trials beginning with my mother. Horrible and inexplicable boils appeared on my mother's legs and she was later hospitalised in a terrible condition. She had many complications and I feared that the inevitable was at hand. I surmised that God was punishing me for my sinful ways. I prayed desperately to God and wrestled with Him for her recovery. I remembered Jacob and how he determined to receive his blessing while wrestling with the angel of God. The Lord answered my persistent prayer compassionately and gradually my mother recovered.

At the time of my mother's sickness, I had an encounter with a man of God, which had a devastating impact on my conflict-ridden nature. Flippantly I had mentioned to him that I served God, but still loved the world. He proceeded to educate me on my error much to my indignation. He told me that the conflict that I considered impossible to resolve can be resolved in Christ. The mention of the phrase "in Christ" triggered a violent reaction from me, and I fumed against this pastor who dared to lecture me. While I insulted him, I was shocked by my uncharacteristic reaction and unprecedented fury, which indicated to me that there was someone else in me, who was apparently vexed by what this man said. The phrase"in Christ" stayed with me. I felt immediately sorry for the man I insulted, as I knew in the spirit that he had indeed spoken the truth. Months later I apologised to him and thanked him for the insight he had given me.

My mother's recovery was soon followed by my own mysterious illness. What began as a high level of sugar in my blood, as a result of years of addiction to soft aerated drinks, soon became a maddening and stressful condition that defied description. When I abruptly gave up my soft drinks and the caffeine that my brain was addicted to, I began to experience feelings of an extremely disorienting kind. Was I dying? Was something terrible about to happen? I was not sure. Friends in Christ helped me to find my way back. Without any significant medical treatment I made recovery. During this period something wonderful happened. I returned to God with tremendous zeal. I bought a new Bible and started to read it again. And this time it made more sense. I bought several Christian books and started to read them. A new madness and a desperate thirst took over me, as I stacked my home with more books and bibles. I posted a slew of videos on YouTube. I started to sing Christian songs and speak extemporaneously about my faith in Christ. Thus Christ grew in me.

My path back to Christ was not without backsliding. Every now and then the demonic returned, and I gave in with and without resistance. This maddening back and forth activity lasted until my Aunt Mary Helen Indra had a fall in January this year and fractured her hip bone. This became my latest trial. My aunt was hospitalised and she underwent surgery. Considering her age and her other complications, the operation carried a certain risk. The pain of this experience offered me another opportunity to renounce my sins and my attachment to them. Yet again God heard my prayers and granted my requests. My aunt returned home where she continues to make recovery.

My seemingly endless cycle of forging ahead in Christ and backsliding to sinful ways continued even beyond my aunt's return from the hospital. However strangely at this moment the cycle seems to have come to a conclusion. My energy and appetite for evil seem spent, and I pray will soon be utterly spent. I am too tired to sin in that manner again. I know that I will sin as long as I live, but I will not sin like that anymore. It is in this context my Aunt Mary Helen Indra reminded me of that day seven years ago when I declared myself to be born again. Initially I did not see the significance of the day, but now I realise that my salvation has been seven years in the making. Now after seven years that are seven days in the eyes of God I truly feel saved. Therefore I take the opportunity on this day, the 26th of March in the year 2011, to make public the work of God in my life. This is not an entire testimony. However it is the testimony of the man with the voice made by God for God.

- Samuel Godfrey George