Seven Years In The Making

Seven years ago, on 26 March 2004, I made a decision to embrace the way of Christ. Overwhelmed with love and repentance, I showed my gratitude to Christ by honouring the people He had given me. I prostrated myself at the feet of my Aunt Mary Helen Indra and kissed her toes to convey my respect for her and to also ask her to pardon me for the many years I disrespected and mistreated her. Though completely taken aback by the extraordinary event, my aunt totally accepted me in love and forgiveness. A few months later in July, I met my father, B Ganesan, also known as George Godfrey, and without premeditation, I fell at his feet and requested him to forgive me for the many years of disrespect. It was a moment of overwhelming significance, as I did not realise then that he will pass away in a few days. My father was utterly at a loss for words, but he ultimately blessed me. I also sought the forgiveness and the blessing of my mother, Hannah Evangeline Susheela.

I was indeed born again in the Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ in the year 2004. My spiritual life was healthy. I read the Bible avidly, almost desperately, abandoning my doctoral research in linguistics. Professionally I thrived. As a teacher of English, I had never taught as powerfully as I did in this period. After the death of my father in August 2004, I continued to read the Bible, though I was shocked by God's response to my prayer for my father's life. I was armed with Job's ultimate statement of faith: "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him." And thus the first few years of my spiritual life passed.

In 2005 I sold my home, and thus came into money. Once money came into my life, I drifted away from God. I bought a computer, a laptop, and abused it thoroughly. I pursued the pleasures of the flesh, which have been at the centre of my attention all my conscious life. The Internet provided me countless and varied opportunities to slake my thirst for sexual gratification. Not only did I take these opportunities, but I also explored them to the point of obsession. In the hours of pointless sanity between the moments of insane gratification, I wondered why I had drifted away from reading the Bible.

I might have abandoned the Lord. But the Lord did not abandon me. In the year 2007, after much resistance to any public display of my faith or my ability to speak and write, I chose to get public on YouTube. Thus started the channel "The Voice" and my new name, Samuel Godfrey George. My old name lacked the middle "Godfrey", which was borrowed from my father's Christian name, which he rejected after being publicly converted to Christianity. Though I lived in the flesh, I spoke and wrote in the Spirit, and thus "The Voice" continued to grow and gain strength. My laptop, which was mainly used for my sexual gratification, was now being used to do the work of God. However the dichotomous life I lived meant that I read the Bible with my voice but continued to stray away from its teaching in my flesh. As I fancifully described it, Jesus was my husband, and I continued to cuckold Him in the arms of Satan.

The demonic dichotomy seemed destined to go on forever. In the rare moments of sanity I sent out a desperate and ill-formed prayer to God to save me. I did not particularly believe that God will or could save me from my duality. I thought the hold of the devil in my life was far too strong even for God. However God is God and did the Godly thing in my life. In the year 2010 he assailed me with several trials beginning with my mother. Horrible and inexplicable boils appeared on my mother's legs and she was later hospitalised in a terrible condition. She had many complications and I feared that the inevitable was at hand. I surmised that God was punishing me for my sinful ways. I prayed desperately to God and wrestled with Him for her recovery. I remembered Jacob and how he determined to receive his blessing while wrestling with the angel of God. The Lord answered my persistent prayer compassionately and gradually my mother recovered.

At the time of my mother's sickness, I had an encounter with a man of God, which had a devastating impact on my conflict-ridden nature. Flippantly I had mentioned to him that I served God, but still loved the world. He proceeded to educate me on my error much to my indignation. He told me that the conflict that I considered impossible to resolve can be resolved in Christ. The mention of the phrase "in Christ" triggered a violent reaction from me, and I fumed against this pastor who dared to lecture me. While I insulted him, I was shocked by my uncharacteristic reaction and unprecedented fury, which indicated to me that there was someone else in me, who was apparently vexed by what this man said. The phrase"in Christ" stayed with me. I felt immediately sorry for the man I insulted, as I knew in the spirit that he had indeed spoken the truth. Months later I apologised to him and thanked him for the insight he had given me.

My mother's recovery was soon followed by my own mysterious illness. What began as a high level of sugar in my blood, as a result of years of addiction to soft aerated drinks, soon became a maddening and stressful condition that defied description. When I abruptly gave up my soft drinks and the caffeine that my brain was addicted to, I began to experience feelings of an extremely disorienting kind. Was I dying? Was something terrible about to happen? I was not sure. Friends in Christ helped me to find my way back. Without any significant medical treatment I made recovery. During this period something wonderful happened. I returned to God with tremendous zeal. I bought a new Bible and started to read it again. And this time it made more sense. I bought several Christian books and started to read them. A new madness and a desperate thirst took over me, as I stacked my home with more books and bibles. I posted a slew of videos on YouTube. I started to sing Christian songs and speak extemporaneously about my faith in Christ. Thus Christ grew in me.

My path back to Christ was not without backsliding. Every now and then the demonic returned, and I gave in with and without resistance. This maddening back and forth activity lasted until my Aunt Mary Helen Indra had a fall in January this year and fractured her hip bone. This became my latest trial. My aunt was hospitalised and she underwent surgery. Considering her age and her other complications, the operation carried a certain risk. The pain of this experience offered me another opportunity to renounce my sins and my attachment to them. Yet again God heard my prayers and granted my requests. My aunt returned home where she continues to make recovery.

My seemingly endless cycle of forging ahead in Christ and backsliding to sinful ways continued even beyond my aunt's return from the hospital. However strangely at this moment the cycle seems to have come to a conclusion. My energy and appetite for evil seem spent, and I pray will soon be utterly spent. I am too tired to sin in that manner again. I know that I will sin as long as I live, but I will not sin like that anymore. It is in this context my Aunt Mary Helen Indra reminded me of that day seven years ago when I declared myself to be born again. Initially I did not see the significance of the day, but now I realise that my salvation has been seven years in the making. Now after seven years that are seven days in the eyes of God I truly feel saved. Therefore I take the opportunity on this day, the 26th of March in the year 2011, to make public the work of God in my life. This is not an entire testimony. However it is the testimony of the man with the voice made by God for God.

- Samuel Godfrey George

Fear Not, You Trembler

Fear not you trembler! Your Lord goes before you.
You have put on the garb of faith.
You have chosen to fight the good fight.
Run you race now and run to win.
Your Lord will be with you wherever you go.
A man’s family is his own enemy.
The prophet is never respected at home.
Go your way trusting in your Lord.
Stay true to His word and love without fear.
Take nothing that does not belong to you.
Then you will receive everything that belongs to you.

- Samuel Godfrey George

Never Never Never!

As long as I drink from the poisoned cup
And savour the unchaste embrace,
As long as the strong in me will say that he is weak,
As long as I chew on the pieces of death
And shun the life before me,
I shall continue to taste the curse.
Yet will my spirit die?
Will my flame be quenched?
Will His work remain unfinished in me?
“Never!” bellows my faith.
“Never will the righteousness of God be overcome
By the darkness of the devil.
Never will the holy dove be drained of life
By the venom of the serpent.
“Never, never, never!”
The Lord shall arise in me.
The flesh will be nailed to the cross.
The corruptible will be discarded
And the incorruptible will be put on.
Death will come. Yet my spirit shall live.

- Samuel Godfrey George

"This Is The Return" - The New Year Message of Samuel Godfrey George, 2011

Now is the time to return to my Lord. I have been away for a long time. Now I will return to the child that I once was and to the dream that I once had and to the longing that came from the dream. Again I shall long to see the face of my God, and this time I shall not relent. Not only will I see His face, I will also dwell in His house forever secure in His arms.

Flesh loosens its hold. Earthly pleasures betray emptiness. The wandering begins to cease. The Spirit asserts authority. Finally I turn toward my goal. I walk into arms that are extended forever. In that embrace dwells a love that will never end. The time of the devil is over. Now God reigns in my life.
This is the return.

Return the rage, return the fire,
Return the madness of the child.
Come back my dream, come back my King,
The early promise come alive.
Speak out my tongue, lash out the Truth,
Nail the the chosen one to the cross.
Blot out the world, dim out its cry,
Draw me deep into your fire.
Come back my Lord, come back my God,
Come back my sweet Jesus Christ.

- Samuel Godfrey George

Lord, You Are Right

Lord, you are right. And I am wrong. I may be guilty of a multitude of sins. Yet this sin I will not commit. I shall bow to your knowledge and understanding. You are right. And I am wrong.

You demand my perfection. I excuse my imperfection. I am content with imperfection. I seek its deceptive comfort. I let the rotten fruit lie beside the healthy. I let the lone pest stay in a cleanly swept house. Days pass and the healthy fruit reveals an inward rot. And the clean house emits a sickening stench. Can I pretend to be surprised?

I love the correct, at least I so opine. Yet I am drawn to the incorrect. I bed with the wrong. I am desperate to learn. Yet I am quick to fall into error. I love to construct. Yet I do not hesitate to destroy.

Cursed am I. To know and to not act, to receive and to not produce, to be blessed and to not bless – this is a curse.

Yet I walk despite the curse. I speak despite the curse. I hope despite the curse. I sin a multitude of sins. Yet this sin I will not sin. My Lord is right. And I am wrong.

- Samuel Godfrey George

Shall I glorify my Lord?

How shall I glorify my Lord? I shall glorify Him by what I say. I shall also glorify Him by what I choose not to say. I shall glorify Him by what I do. I shall also glorify Him by what I choose not to do. I shall glorify Him by what I think. I shall also glorify Him by what I choose not to think.

Every moment is an opportunity to glorify God. Every moment requires a decision. Should I listen to the inner voice or my own voice? Should I walk in the narrow path or the broad path? Should I pronounce the effortless curse or the impossible blessing? Should I spurn in hatred or embrace in love? Should I give up my desire or give in to the temptation? Should I focus on my weakness or His strength? Should I lament my lot or rejoice in His promise? Should I flee from or run toward the cross? Should I glorify Him or gratify myself? Every moment is decision time. Every moment I decide one way or the other.

- Samuel Godfrey George

Can I do this if it feels right?

Can I do this if it feels right? Is this pleasure not harmless as it involves only me? No one will be affected by my thoughts. Only I will be involved in this process and only I will be transformed by it.

Can I not use my body anyway I want? Is this not my body? Are these not my organs? Have I not been given this organ so that I may use it for my pleasure? Is this not an organ of pleasure?

Who is He that claims my body as His own? Who is He that decrees that my organs be consecrated to Him? What does He want with me? Why does He come to live within me?

Who is He Who will lord over me? What do I gain by surrendering to His will? What do I lose by rejecting Him? Why does He demand the thing that is most difficult to give? Why does He take away that which pleases the most?

Why does He want the sacrifice? Why does He demand the body? Why does He command the parts to be sacred? Why does He commend the pain and denounce the pleasure?

What is the purpose of this mastery? What is the point of this conflict? Will happiness result from tears? Will joy ensue from pain? Will life emerge from death?

This is the promise. If I die for the One who demands my life, I will live. If I give up my temporary joy in which I can find no fulfilment, I shall receive a permanent joy in which I shall be fulfilled forever.

Shall I believe in this promise? Shall I give up what I can see and feel for what I cannot? Shall I make the Lord my Lord? Shall I submit in faith or withdraw by instinct? Shall I live now and die later? Or shall I die now and live forever?

- Samuel Godfrey George

SGG explains his work, "Give Me Black"

To desire Light one should walk in darkness. To desire health one should endure sickness. To attain the pure, one should taste the impure. One should ask for black so that one may appreciate white. One should lust for that which is not sacred so that one may long for that which is sacred.

This is the path. From darkness one walks into Light. Through suffering one discovers the joy that cannot fade away. It is the knowledge of filth that paves the way for the knowledge of the pure.

There is no other path. One should not walk away from trouble. One should not avoid the test. That temptation should be resisted is the ultimate requirement. Nevertheless to resist temptation one requires strength. That strength comes from the fall and the knowledge that comes thereof. He who rises after a fall is mighty indeed.

No one born of man can avoid the fall. A man is already fallen even before he is born. From the moment of birth to that of death, a man aspires to rise and reverse the effect of the fall. Whether he succeeds in this is not as significant as his attempt to recover. This is the exercise of faith - to persevere in difficult circumstances and to hope when it seems hopeless.

If one ends one's life as a victor over sin, one will have received the just wages for a lifetime of spiritual struggle. That reward is surely from God, as no one else can give it.

Here then is the irony. The promise of comfort lies in the struggle, the coming of hope is suggested in the despair and the burgeoning of faith occurs in the dark waters of doubt.

- Samuel Godfrey George

Give Me Black

Give me black so that I may appreciate white. Give me pain so that I may celebrate joy. Make me a fool and I shall rejoice when I gain wisdom. Let me be wayward so that I may desire discipline. Increase my lust so that I may ultimately hate all that enslaves. Feed me with flesh so that I may turn to the Spirit. Let all that is hidden be laid bare, and then the curse of curiosity will be overcome. Allow me to wade in the filth so that I may yearn for the water that cleanses. May I know the Devil so that I may know the Lord. May I be banished into the wilderness so that I may long for paradise.

-Samuel Godfrey George

The Superior Sight

Lord, give me your eyes.
And I shall see beauty that I did not before.
I shall see the truth beneath the lie,
The fear beneath the hatred, and the lust beneath the love.
The sight shall drive away all that lies,
All that perverts, and all that strangles my soul.
Then my arms will reach out not to have and to plunder,
But to give and to bless.
In that embrace lust shall not be.
And my heart freed of the selfish want
Shall give and give forevermore.
And my mind freed from wretched desire
Shall value the act above the reward.

-Samuel Godfrey George

Behold the Work

From a nameless womb
The seed of an unbeliever
Am I who have come to You.
Among thorns did I bloom,
From darkness I came to light,
My dumbness was turned to speech,
When you laid your finger on me.
My stony heart you enfleshed,
My hesitant feet you steadied,
And handed me a message
And a voice to deliver it
To the world you love so much.
So here I am, pliant and ready,
Behold the work of your hands.

-Samuel Godfrey George