Samuel Godfrey George

Friday, 18 July 2014

Where Is My Faith? - Mother Teresa's Doubt

'I think of Agnes. From the time she was a young girl, Agnes believed. Not just believed - she was on fire. She wanted to do great things for God. She said she wanted to "love Jesus as he has never been loved before." She knew Jesus was with her and had an undeniable sense of him calling her. She wrote in her journal., "My soul at present is in perfect peace and joy." She experienced a union with God that was so deep and so continual that it was to her a rapture. She left her home, became a missionary, gave him everything.

And then God left her.

At least, that is how it felt to her. Where is my faith? she wondered. Even deep down there is nothing but emptiness and darkness. . . . . My God, how painful is this unknown pain. . . . . I have no faith. She tried to pray: "I utter words of community prayers - and try my utmost to get out of every word the sweetness it has to give. But my prayer of union is not there any longer. I no longer pray."

On the outside she worked, she served, she smiled. But she spoke of her smile as her "mask, a cloak that covers everything."

This inner darkness and dryness and pain over the absence of God continued on, year after year, with one brief respite, for nearly fifty years. Such was the secret pain of Agnes, who is better know as Mother Teresa.

The letters that expressed her inner torment were a secret during her life, and she asked that they be destroyed. But a strange thing has happened. Her willingness to persist in the face of such agonizing doubts brings comfort and strength to people that an inner life of ease and certainty never could. As in her life she was a servant of the poor, so in her anguish she has become a missionary for those who doubt.

How are we to understand this? It should warn us about easy formulae that are guaranteed to make us feel closer to God. . . . .

Some people, of course, see this as Mother Teresa just battling up against the reality that God isn't really there after all. "She was no more exempt from the realization that religion is a human fabrication than any other person, and that her attempted cure was more and more professions of faith could only have deepened the pit that she had dug for herself," writes Christopher Hitchens. Richard Dawkins warned everyone not to be "taken in by the santimoniously hypocritical Mother Teresa." This, by the way, strikes me as bad strategy. If you are trying to convert people to atheism, taking a shot at Mother Teresa can't be your best move.

But Mother Teresa didn't have this negative understanding. She did not reject God, but neither did she overcome her pain over God's silence. Rather, in a strange way, it became a part of her. A wise spiritual counselor told her three things she needed to hear. One was that there was no human remedy for this darkness. (So she should not feel responsible for it.) Another was that "feeling" the presence of Jesus was not the only or even the primary evidence of his presence. (Jesus himself said by their fruits - not their certainty - you shall know them.) In fact, the very craving for God was a "sure sign" that God was present - though in a hidden way - in her life. And the third bit of wisdom was that the pain she was going through could be redemptive. Jesus himself had to experience the agony of the absence of God: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" And as his suffering was redemptive for us, so Mother Teresa could suffer redemptively by holding on to God in the midst of darkness.'

- John Ortberg "Faith & Doubt"

Thursday, 17 July 2014

I Am Confused And Lost - Psalm 142 - Leslie Brandt

"I direct my cries to the Lord.
Out of the ear-piercing sounds and
ceaseless turmoil of this concrete jungle
I speak God's name.
For my heart is deeply troubled and depressed,
and I feel weary and faint.

I am confused and lost.
I cannot find my way.
The nameless faces that flit by
take no notice of me.
No one knows my name,
and no one cares.

I turn to You, O God.
You have heard me before,
and You responded to my cries.
Perhaps even amid the frustrating activity
and crowded streets of the great city
You can hear the cries of a lonely child.

O God, deliver me from my prison of loneliness.
Turn my cries of distress
into proclamations of joy.
Direct my steps into the fellowship
of others who love and serve You."

- Leslie Brandt, "Psalms Now"

Curb My Tongue For I Hurt My Friend - Psalm 141 - Leslie Brandt

"O God, I come to You in sorrow and shame.
I spoke up in my own defense today
and uttered words that knifed their way
into the heart of my friend,
and this created a great rift between us.
I would never raise my hand to strike him,
but the tongue is more destructive than the fist,
and I hurt that one whom I love.

Heal the hurt of my friend, O Lord,
and heal the sickness within my heart
that forced my foolish tongue
into such irresponsible actions.

I come to claim Your loving mercy.
I pray, as well, that you grant my friend
the grace to forgive me.
May Your Spirit who abides in my heart
curb and control my rebellious tongue
and teach me to speak words
that give life and promote love
in the hate-ridden world about me."

- Leslie Brandt, "Psalms Now"

Deliver Us From Hostility - Psalm 140 - Leslie Brandt

"O God, deliver our nation and our world
from those men in positions of authority
who resort to violence
to carry out their objectives.
They sweet-talk us into believing
they are acting in our interests,
and brainwash us into blind,
flag-waving allegiance,
until we march by their side
into bloody wars that decimate and destroy
our brothers and sisters
in the family of man.

Deliver all of us, O Lord,
from the notion that anything of value or worth
can be obtained by hostile or violent actions."

- Leslie Brandt, "Psalms Now"

Have Mercy On A Selfish And Self-Centred Creature - Psalm 101 - Leslie Brandt

"O God, I love those hymns
that speak of loyalty and justice,
those prayers for the deprived and oppressed -
even while I deprive and oppress my fellowmen
through my apathy and egocentricity.

I embrace the old creeds that tell of Your love
and the commandments that instruct me
to reflect that love to others -
even while I turn inward
and allow bigotry and prejudice
to color my relationships
to those outside my private little club.

I treasure those promises I made in the sanctuary,
those vows and solemn pledges before the altar -
even while I flirt with this world's gods
and bow before man-made shrines.

I decry the distortions of our world,
the poverty and pain and the indignities
suffered by multitudes
of this world's citizens -
even while I stand aloof
and wait for man's sorry needs
to be met by others
and brazenly oppose those remedies
which may result in personal deprivation.

I avoid the sinner
and belittle the proud
and stand clear of cheaters and liars
and choose as my companions
the qualified
and respected
members of my society.
And all the while I claim to be Your son
and to walk in Your ways.

Have mercy upon me, O God,
for I am a selfish and self-centered creature!"

- Leslie Brandt, "Psalms Now"

Remembering My Father - 16 July 2014

Today I remember my father, B. Ganesan (aka George Godfrey) who passed away 10 years ago. This is his birth anniversary day. For many years while he lived, he and I did not get along very well. But before his death, God inspired me to visit my father. A few days before his last birthday I asked my father to forgive me for all my wrongs against him. He forgave me and blessed me. For these great acts I have only God to thank. He placed love in my heart for my father and enabled me to express it before it was too late. I praise God for His merciful consideration.

When I was a young boy, I briefly lost vision in my left eye, following an accident. In the first hospital where I was examined, a doctor announced to my father that I would never regain my vision and that I would see the world with only one eye. A few moments later, my father broke down and wept bitterly lamenting over my fate. That was the first time I had seen him cry, and I was totally shocked by his reaction. It was only years later that I realized that his strange reaction revealed the depth of his love for me.

Dear Father, rest in peace. May God grant you everlasting joy and may we meet again some day. Thank you BG for being my dad.

SGG